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The Day That Danny Castellano Stole My Heart

36 Comments

Mindy Kaling and I had been an item for nearly a decade.

She won me over as soon as Kelly Kapoor made her grand entrance on The Office, which, as we’ve discussed, was a, if not THE, defining television show of my lifetime.

With Kelly, there was finally a television character to whom I could relate, because, obviously, I had this exact same conversation, as well as many variations on this theme, while at work:

We were soul mates.

When Mindy lived out my fantasy to star in a low-budget pop music video with a rap breakdown, I thought I could not love her any more:

But then Mindy taught me that I had even more love to give when she created and embodied Mindy Lahiri, the heart and soul of the hilarious The Mindy Project.

Mindy Lahiri does things that I have done:

The 24 Most Relatable Mindy Lahiri Quotes From "The Mindy Project"

She has done things that I totally could do:

And she has done things that I really want to do:

The 24 Most Relatable Mindy Lahiri Quotes From "The Mindy Project"

With Mindy as my comedy beacon, no day was too dark or indiscretion too embarrassing.

My love for all things Mindy Kaling was ridiculous not only for its depth but also because, by all rational accounts, I should hate her.

That bitch stole my life.

Seriously.

Mindy and I are roughly the same age, we grew up in roughly the same quaint New England town, we went to roughly the same college, we both moved into roughly the same tiny and overcrowded apartment in roughly the same Brooklyn neighborhood after graduation to chase our dreams, and we are both roughly obsessed with writing about the same things (pop culture, lip gloss, and methods for smuggling booze in our undergarments*).  But, yet, despite Mindy and I being roughly one and the same, she’s the star of her own comedy empire and I’m not even the star of my own living room.

WTF universe. WHAT.  THE.  F*CK.

But, for some reason, I loved Mindy despite her wronging me so hard.  Instead of wanting to cut her, I wanted to trade thoughts with her on the enigma that is the latest Kardashian holiday card.  I really thought that together we could unlock the secret to their power and stumble our way into the Illuminati.

Because I only had eyes for Mindy, I didn’t pay attention to the supporting characters on The Mindy Project (except for James Franco for the obvious reason).  Sure they were entertaining and had great comedic timing, but I wouldn’t have been heartbroken if any of them, like receptionist Shauna, were unceremoniously written off of the show.

But then, last week, everything changed.

Mindy and I are over.

Because this happened:

Your eyes are not deceiving you.  That was a perfect rendition of the PRECISE choreography from Aaliyah’s Try Again, which is, of course, one of the all-time greatest music videos EVER.

Screw diamonds, a recreation of a classic early 2000s music video is what a girl really wants.

I will never be the same again.

Dr. Danny Castellano has stolen my heart.

 

 

* Also, why is this not a real thing?  I need it and I need it now.

Author: PinotNinja

Writer at StuntedAdults.com. A reformed hooligan desperately trying, and generally failing, at the art of being a grown up.

36 thoughts on “The Day That Danny Castellano Stole My Heart

  1. I LOVE that show. I don’t know why the critics are so hard on it, because I think it’s hilarious. I hope it doesn’t get canceled. And yes, Danny’s dance was great. I love Morgan, too. So creepy and yet so lovable. All around a great cast and a great show.

  2. Great post. I loved reading it. Thanks!

  3. You can totally buy the wine rack bra!! Unfortunately, I haven’t found the Long Island Iced Panties.

    The comments on Amazon are hilarious.

    I am totally loving Danny… but I’m conflicted. Because I totally want Mindy to go out with Adam Pally (finally, a straight Max!) and at the same time, I totally want her to go out with Dennis from It’s Always Sunny…. But really, I just hope that Seth Rogen comes back!

    I’m too invested in Mindy’s love life.

    • Long Island Iced Panties — now there is a million dollar idea, right there.

      I’m equally as invested in her love life. The Mindy/Danny chemistry and near-misses is heartbreaking, but I fear that actually putting them together would signal the end of the show. That’s definitely the stuff of the last season (which I really hope this is not). In fact, I would like The Mindy Project to wrap-up a la 90210 while Mindy and Danny’s wedding (much like Donna and David’s wedding) marking the end of the show. In the meantime, she should date Dennis and somehow Charlie and Dee should make an appearance.

  4. Ok. I get it. Those dance moves and the little caress of her chin afterwards…I’m in! I’ve only seen the show once but if he’s a regular I’m watching all the time! BTW, are you a SCANDAL fan?????

    • Watch it — while it has had a few off episodes, on the whole I think its one of the most creative and accurate comedies on television right now. I haven’t started Scandal yet, but its my first order of television business after the holidays.

  5. Omg the Amelie bit. All of it so hilarious. And of course, I didn’t even know who she was but now I love her, too. Except now you’re done with her. So I guess she’s sloppy seconds. Anyway. Yes that bra should be a thing. Why is it not??? Awesome post – you crack me UP!

    • I’m sorry, but you don’t know Mindy Kaling?! You need to get on this immediately since I personally guarantee that you would love her book — it may be sloppy seconds, but the girl has skills to spare. She drunkenly rides bikes in sparkly party dresses, which means that she is totally my spirit animal.

  6. Oh boy. Hmmm . . . I’m wondering if I should admit this to you. This might be the end of us if I do. But what’s a good, solid relationship, without complete and total honesty? Oh, so here goes . . . I have never seen The Mindy Project. Oh but wait, it gets worse. I always thought Mindy was the most obnoxious and annoying character on The Office. When she and Ryan were on screen, I would just cringe. I mean, I know that as real life people they are brilliant comedians and writers, but as actors . . . no.

    I’m so sorry. Can we still try to make it work? Do you still love me? Hello?

  7. Aaliyah, Kelly Kapor? Wine bra!!?! Amelie???? YOU just stole my heart.

    • That might be my greatest accomplishment ever — even bigger than that time that Maggie Gyllenhall hit me with her baby stroller while I was running. As for the show, The Mindy Project just gets everything right about being a woman in her 30s.

  8. Kelly Kapoor may have been my favourite TV character of all time. I haven’t watched the Mindy Project yet, but after those dance moves, I think I’ll have to tune in.

  9. Was only just so-so about Kelly K, and tried Mindy a coupla times but didn’t get into it. You’re funnier. That’s all.

  10. Thank you for making me laugh and starting my day off right!!

  11. I LOVE Kelly (and you), but I’m embarassed to admit I’ve never seen the Project. I’ve got to get on it. Thanks for the reminder!

  12. *squeal*
    I feel like I need to watch this show. Is it Netflixable/Piratable? I am sans television but anyone who can drink wine out of their bra is like a personal hero.

  13. OK, a few things:
    A.) “Male Prima Donna” is the best not-actually-a-real-song ever. EVER. And Mindy Kaling wrote some of the BEST Office episodes, so she has my heart forever, even if I don’t love that she’s all BFF with Lena Dunham.
    B.) Since Giada DeLaurentiis is on a big media tour for her new cookbook, both my husband and I devolve into the Kelly Kapoor “but I’m so tiny and small!” routine from “Drug Testing.”
    C.) It’s frightening how similar Danny Castellano is to said husband. I mean, he’s from Staten and M is from outside Philly and Danny’s a medical doctor while M is a scientist, but otherwise they are very similar grumps.
    D.) I have found TMP more entertaining/hilarious than New Girl this year, there I said it. And this dance scene was the best damn things they’ve done yet.

    • This is amazing!

      (A) I agree with all of that. The fact that she wrote Niagra (the Office Jim/Pam wedding episode) has forever earned her a spot in my comedy writing hall of fame. While I don’t love Dunham, I have to admit that I found this interview that Dunham and Kaling did together quite wonderful — http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/news/lena-dunham-hilariously-candidly-interviews-mindy-kaling-20131111

      (B) HAHAHAHA! That is the perfect use of that routine.

      (C) I love that you are married to scientist Danny. He must be such a great foil for all of your shenanigans.

      (D) I absolutely agreed with you. I feel like New Girl, which I generally love, has been floundering a bit lately. I, for one, am just not feeling the Jess-Nick relationship. But, at least they finally got rid of Winston’s cat.

  14. Wow, I wish I felt that kind of kinship with a celebrity!

    • It’s magic when it happens. The great thing about television, as opposed to movies, is that it gives you a chance to really build a long relationship with the show, the characters, and the writers behind them.

  15. I’m obsessed with Danny Castellano. To the point that I’ve now started watching obscure movies he made before The Mindy Project, like The Mechanical Man. That dance was the cutest thing ever to happen on prime time televion, except maybe the time the Huxtables did this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSvGdfOfLFw

    • You and me both sister!

      Thank you so much for sharing that dose of Huxtable hilarity and spunk with me. I remember watching that when it originally aired and I love it even more now. The Cosby Show truly was the golden era of sitcoms.

  16. Hahaha. If you actually found the Long Island iced tea panties, tried them out and wrote a post about it, you would top every Mindy example on this blog.

    And, the secret to the Kardashians is piles of money thrown at incredible PR people.

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